On Friendships

Shirt: Old Navy Blazer: Target Pants: NY&C Scarf: From Mom Flats: Payless

As I mentioned on Friday, I took a student to a conference this weekend in Minneapolis.  It wound up being a fantastic weekend, full of laughing and learning, and I'm so glad I was able to go!  The best part of the whole conference, for me, was running into an old friend who I went to undergraduate college with.  She and I haven't seen each other in almost two years now, even though we only live an hour away from each other.  With things like Facebook and Instagram, it is easy to feel connected even if it's pretty surface level.

Reconnecting with her and spending lots of time with her made me so thoughtful about friendships.  I'm an incredibly loyal friend.  Once I become friends with someone, I stay friends with them, as long as our relationship adds something to my life.  I have had too many "friendships" that I poured my heart and soul into, only to find out they were not strong friendships to begin with.  Because of my poor history of choosing friends who walk all over me and don't care about me, I've been so reflective lately about which relationships I want to continue to foster and invest the time and energy into.  I'm not the kind of person who needs or wants a ton of friends - I'm content with a few super close friends.  However, I'm very introverted and pretty shy, so it's difficult for me to get to that level of closeness with friends.

I think my lifestyle and personality are what make it so hard.  I'm 25 and have been married for 3 years.  I keep hearing people talk about how dumb it is for people to get married young, or how getting married before the age of 25 is like leaving the party before 10:00.  I may be married, but I'm still a highly independent woman (that's one of the things that Kevin and I have really focused on in our relationships - having identities outside of each other), and I don't think people understand that.  I also am not your typical mid-twenties graduate student.  While most of my classmates enjoy going out to bars on weekends, I am not into that scene at all.  Sure, I enjoy a good Crispin cider every so often, but I'm not interested in getting drunk or babysitting drunk friends.

The kinds of friends and relationships I am interested in, however, include people with whom I can experience life.  I want to talk with people about our lives, our struggles, our joys...the things we do for fun, what we think about the world, what we want in our futures...people I can laugh with and cry with and feel comfortable with.  For me, friendships that center around simply going to the movies or frequenting the bars don't have the solid foundation that is so important to me.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this...I just have been mulling over these thoughts for so long and needed a place to put them.  Do any of you have similar struggles with friendships?  For those of you who are married, have your friendships changed since you got married?  Do you have those few friends you can count on for anything?  I want to know! :)

1 comment:

  1. Brynn, love your reflections today! I'm 28 & will celebrate five years of marriage in August, on top of that we have two toddlers. life is busy!! Friendships have sure changed, priorities have sure changed, but I've also come to truly see the value in relationships that are purposeful, positive & genuine.